I told you it wouldn’t be long before I would be back writing again! 😂
I made quite a powerful statement in my counselling session last week ‘cancer takes a piece of you’ and it really resonated with me and gave me a lot of clarity. It can take away your freedom as your life becomes restricted by not living beyond one appointment to the next or in three-week blocks according to the treatment plan. You have to cope with the side effects and grieve for the life and body you once had and somehow carry on with the here and now as life still goes on, it’s a lot to process all at once. Although I’ve only just recently finished my treatment I can already see that the psychological impact of getting a cancer diagnosis will continue for a long time. I’m now in the position that I’ve got to find a ‘new normal’ knowing my life will never be quite the same again and I’ll never be able to put it fully behind me.
I look the same to all my friends and family and strangers on the street wouldn’t know by looking at me that I’ve had cancer but for me I have a constant reminder I have a body that doesn’t work the way it used to. I used to love going out to eat but now I have to scan menus to see what I can eat in order to avoid excruciating stomach cramps, bloating and multi toilet trips this usually results in picking something bland and boring and not choosing what I’d prefer to eat, I also have to Scan places to find the nearest toilets, all these things create a lot of anxiety and kills spontaneity.
I realise this all sounds very negative and to be honest it is as nobody would choose this, however how I chosen to look at it is that it’s only one piece of me, grief of losing a loved one takes a piece of you, heartbreak takes a piece of you or any other major life event. All these events take a piece of you but they undoubtedly shape who you become. Cancer will not define me but it has helped me to grow as a person, I will always have to live with the impact cancer has had on my body and mind and it will never be far from my thoughts with ‘the fear’ being one of the worst things to live with but I will learn to live with it.
Since finishing treatment I have been feeling very flat but now is the time to reset and focus on moving forward and adapting to this new body I have been given and build a relationship with it so I can I live my best life.